Mid-day Reflection on Lost Sleep

Life seems to be on the down swing lately. I'm unsure of what I am doing with my life. I have two jobs, but still seem to never have enough money. I'm depressed. I don't want to work on anything. I just want to exist in a state of self-loathing. I wish that I could love the people who love me properly, but I can't seem to do it right.

I couldn't sleep last night. I was up until almost 4 in the morning cleaning my room. I moved back in with my parents after living with Drew for almost a year. It is hard coming to terms with my own state of reality. I'm almost 25. That's almost 30. I have yet to finish my degree, I live with my parents and I don't have a driver's license.

I couldn't stand the room anymore. A collection of useless crap that has amassed over my 24 and a half years. Huge piles of random garbage, bits of paper with forgotten phone numbers, thousands of Marlboro Miles, a pile of rubber bands the size of K-2.

I rooted through the flotsam and jetsam of my life. There was catharsis. It is time for a new alignment in my life. I need to refocus and gain new direction. I want to be happy. I want to make films.

Like communist Russia I need a five year plan.

I dread turning 30.