Life and All That Bullshit

I'm pretty down. I think that is an understatement. I'm lost inside myself. I haven't been writing as much (as you faithful readers can tell) and I haven't painted in a long while. I guess I'm depressed. No, I am. I am depressed. Saying it does't make me feel any better. In fact it makes me feel worse.

At The Online Coffee Company "The Police" is playing and that cheers me up a bit. Then I think again about the state of my life. I am no longer cheered. I have not filed my paperwork for my intership. It's so long ago that I finished that I fear they will not accept it. So I don't fill out the paper work.

I think about my work, how much I dread every day I go to the Red Lion. I do a job any idiot with half a brain could do. At least I do it well. . . at least above mediocre. I was offered more hours by my new boss, Alex. "No thanks," I said, "I'm in a big enough rut as it is." And that is where I am at. The Rut.

I am happy that I am doing sound design on a film. I will be working on it from today to Friday. There's the smile. A little crooked, but better than nothing.

I don't even want to go into my relationship right now. Too soon, too uncertain. At least we love eachother. There's always that.

Guh.