Meditations on Myself

The past week has been both trying and wonderful. I find myself completely and utterly in love with my new job as a job coach. I would tell you all more, but I am bound to confidentiality, suffice to say I am for the first time in my life doing something I really feel matters. Let me rephrase, for the first time I have a job that is to do something that really matters.

In the past I worked on many wonderful projects for the community because I was a boyscout. Some people may think it is a silly organization, and I personally disagree with its views on homosexuality in scouts, but there are many good things about it.

My first forrays into the wild Northwest National Forrests were with the boyscouts. I learned how to identify plants and animals, made my body more physically fit through activities and campouts and eventially gave much back to the community through service projects and finally my own Eagle Scout award.

After boyscouts I gave all this up. I was in College, I was dating, I turned 21 and had many nights of drunken debauchery. I played music with my friends until the wee hours of the morning. I "spent the night" at girl's houses I just met, and partook in many other odious acts of vandilism and self-destruction.

But I always missed the feeling that scouting gave me. Yet, I never allowed myself the time. Recently, I have taken up tracking and wilderness skills with much vigor. I find myself identifying plants such as Oregon Grape, Salal, the White Pine, and the Yew Tree. I look for signs of animals, such as tracks, hairs and scats. I watch the sky for birds of prey. I think longingly about lashing.

Now, with the new job I have I am again providing service to people who need it. I am helping the community again. And more importantly I am making a difference in one person's life. And in all honesty, that person is making a difference in my life as well.

And I find that after all this time it turns out I am still a good person. Sometimes it is nice to go back to the old ways. Maybe I'm just being Post-Modern in my own life, or maybe I am actually the person the people who love me tell me I am.